Revenge of the MarySues
by karabell-karaboo723
Summary: The Sues are still around and worse than ever. Harry, Ron, and Draco must now save the entire world of Fan Fiction from this menace. They will encounter OOCs, Mary Sues and more. Sequel to Attack of the Mary Sues. This may cause a loss of faith in mankind
1. Previously on The MarySue Saga

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You guys may all thank my teachers for giving easy finals this semester because that is why you are getting this new story early.

**Oh yes, today I got all A's on my finals. That orchestra final was super hard, though. Who was it that composed music for Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, and Harry Potter? Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Harry Potter, Harrison Ford or John Williams?**

**Now, I personally thought that it was Darth Vader, but Kate swears that it was John Williams (SARCASM). **

**Yes, that was actually a question on my orchestra "Final". Last year a question was "Who composed music in the 18****th**** century- Bach or Hannah Montana?"**

**Well, I'm starting to ramble. I will be posting a new chapter of Attack of the Mary Sues just to let everyone know that the sequel is now up.**

**WARNING- lots of references to A Very Potter Musical on here. The last scene is from it.**

* * *

**Previously on LOST…**

The room was large and familiar looking.

It was King's cross station in London, England, and Harry was preparing to bid Dumbledore farewell for the last time in this lifetime. But, first, there was just one last thing he needed to know. Sure, he knew about how he should face Voldemort and all, but this… This was important.

"Dumbledore, so you can see the past present and future and all now?" asked Harry as he prepared to leave

"Oh, yes, Harry. Yes I can." Said Dumbledore proudly

"Well, um… Can you tell me how Lost ends?" asked Harry

Now, as you can probably guess, this was back before season six aired, so the speculation and suspense surrounding the whole situation was almost enough to start world war three then and there. Dumbledore, though he was wise and brave, had still failed to uncover one of the universes best kept secrets. Though he was ashamed of this, he knew that Harry deserved an answer, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Harry, there are some questions that not even I can answer." Said Dumbledore sadly

"Damn, Ron really wanted to know."

* * *

Harry woke up in a cold sweat. He had been having these strange dreams for a while now.

He would always see him and Dumbledore back in King's Cross when Voldemort had "killed" him. Sometimes, the dreams would be exactly what had happened back when he had gone there the first time. Dumbledore would tell him how to defeat Voldemort. But now, they were usually Dumbledore trying to tell him how to kill the Mary Sues.

At this point, Harry, Ron, and Draco had been in the fan fiction website for about a week now.

They had seen some pretty bad Potter Sues and trolling (Tara's sister that wrote "Youre life with RON WEASLEY" even wrote some new piece of crap about Luna becoming an emo freak) but now it was time for the real challenge: actually getting rid of them.

It seems that quite a few of the Sues Harry, Ron, Draco, Ginny, Hermione and many other characters had previously gotten rid of were a bit… Well, peeved, would be an appropriate word to use here, that they had been killed by their so called friends just for being perfect. So, now they were back to get revenge on the ones who had turned their backs on them.

That and a bunch of people still didn't know how to take a hint and kept posting crappy stories.

For a few days now, the three boys had been formulating a new plan.

They would travel to new pages of fan fiction in search of characters that possibly had experience dealing with these Mary-Sues, Out Of Character- ness, and terrible plot lines in general. They would also probably look for a dictionary too, while they were at it.

So, now, Harry was preparing to enter the world of South Park. To put it into polite terms, there was a whole lot of shit happening on the South Park story page. And I mean a whole lot of shit. It was an all out Slash vs. OC war.

Harry knew that the South Park characters must have some idea what to do about an OC, Mary Sue, Out Of Character, or grammar problem.

He took a deep breath and stepped out of his world and into the South Park fandom.

Lord have mercy on his soul.

* * *

Ron looked up at the Zefron poster.

"I know your desires, Ron.

The girl you love you are only second best to."

How could she prefer you when Harry Potter stood next to you?"

So, kill him. Kill him now!" screamed the poster menacingly

"Um, Ron, please don't kill me." Said Harry

"Arrrgghh!" yelled Ron as he stabbed the Zefron poster that was the last Horcrux

* * *

"Arrrgghh!" yelled Ron as he woke up in a cold sweat

Ron was observing and reporting for Harry. Right now, he was searching for some sites with huge Mary Sue problems. The first one he had found was South Park. Most people would not expect it, but their problem might have even been bigger than the problems on the Harry Potter site.

Another problem was (obviously) the Twilight page. That place was beyond hope. Although, Leah had decided to join their cause and work to destroy all of the Mary Sues (including Bella and her stupid kid) that resided on that fan fiction page.

Lord of the Rings had also been quite the Sue breeding ground. Poor, poor Legolas. He has been doomed to forever be trapped in the countless Legomance fan fiction stories that are probably making J.R.R. Tolkien roll around in his grave a lot.

So, Draco was headed over that way. Now, he was looking at the early 1970s in America.

The girl was tallish, but slender and curvy. Apparently, she was also one of coach Yoast's many daughters that he had never known about. His real daughter, Sheryl, had never meet any of them either, it seemed.

It also appeared that Alan did not know who they were or where they came from, but from the looks of things, he was enjoying their presences.

This was going to be a hard one.

* * *

_Dear Father,_

_I am writing to inform you of some truly wonderful news._

_I have now managed to master the art of using the potty!_

_Yes, it is true, father! Yesterday, I walked into class late and announced to every one that I had just used the potty! _

_All of the other boys and girls even laughed with me, isn't that wonderful father?_

_Well, I'm off to go use the potty again, father._

_Your potty trained son,_

_Draco_

* * *

Draco's worst nightmare was still this one.

He really did know how to use the potty.

He just hoped that there were still potties in Middle Earth, or wherever it was he was going.

* * *

"Ready to go, Dumbledore?"

"Sure am, Rumbleroar!" called Dumbledore

"And you're sure you don't want to let harry, Ron, and Draco know that you're still alive and communicating to them through dreams?" asked the large talking lion

"Eh, no. Pigfarts has been a closely kept and guarded secret for thousands of years, it would be a shame to let the cat out of the bag now. No pun intended, of course, Rumbleroar." Dumbledore explained to his feline companion

"I suppose you're right. Do you have your space suit, Dumbledore?" asked Rumbleroar

"Oh, thank you for reminding me." Said Dumbledore as he grabbed his space suit

You see, one could not just go to Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Magic. It was on _Mars_.

"Ready to go, Rumby?" said Dumbldore

"I sure am, Dumbledore. To Pigfarts, RUMBLEROAR!"

* * *

**Ahh, the first chapter of a new story.**

**Yay!**

**Sorry so much of that was from AVPM. I was using it as a stress reliever during finals.**

**Please review! I am still taking chapter requests!**


	2. A Situation that's not from Jersey Shore

**I am DONE with finals. Until next semester, at least.**

**Here is the next chapter.**

**Karabell- Karaboo723 out, bitches.**

* * *

**The Situation That's Not From Jersey Shore**

Harry stepped into the blinding sun light of Fairplay, Colorado. Snow was everywhere and it was freezing outside. Just like on that TV show South Park.

Now that he was in Fairplay, all he had to do was find a way to get to the portal that could take him into the South Park universe. There was also a way to get here through Fan Fiction, but this way held fewer risks and would hopefully involve fewer Mary- Sue encounters.

Aha! Back there in that alley way he could see a strange glow coming from the dumpster. Perfect! That had to be the portal.

Harry leapt on top of the dumpster and prepared to jump in, when an elderly man walked by.

"Eh, um, Hello." Said Harry awkwardly as he attempted to act normal and smiled

The man gave him a weird look.

Harry increased his smile and choked out "Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?" in yet another attempt to seem not crazy.

"Crazy British teenagers!" mumbled the old man, as he walked away shaking his head.

Harry glared after the man. How dare he call him crazy?

Although, now that Harry though about it, he probably would have thought himself crazy too, seeing as he was about to jump into a dumpster.

Harry jumped and felt himself hit the trash. Crap!

First of all, the portal didn't seem to have worked. He should be in South Park by now.

Second of all, it actually did smell like crap in there.

He looked up and out of the dumpster. He looked around to the free way and saw the sign.

"Twenty Miles to Middle Park." He read

There was no Middle Park in the real world. It had worked!

"Gahh! G-G- Get away from me! What if you're trying to kidnap me! Or work for the gnomes!" shouted a small blonde boy with messy hair as he ran away from a badly written teenage girl that was chasing him and looking like a child molester.

"But Tweek, what about the baby?" she screeched

"GAH! I don't know you! Go away!" screamed Tweek

Harry knew that he had to do something to help this poor boy to escape these terrible Mary- Sues.

"Hey, you child molester, leave him alone. Seriously, how many times does he have to tell you that he doesn't know you?" said Harry

"Well, my name is Nickie Mash and I was created by "The Secret's Lie" formerly known as "Tweek's girlfriend". My parents died in a car crash, so now I live with my cousins, Stan and Shelley and I have long ebony black raven-"

"Die, Sue, DIE!" screamed Harry as he blasted her with a curse from his wand.

The anti sue curse was a bit of new technology invented by the Ministry of Mary- Sues Should Be Destroyed. No one was really sure what exactly happened to a Mary- Sue after she was hit; only that she disappeared for the time being.

"Hey, are you okay?" asked Harry to Tweek, who was shaking even more than normal.

"Gah! You work for the Gnomes, don't you? Gah!" screamed Tweek

"Um, sure?" asked a very confused Harry

"GAH!" yelled Tweek as he ran away

"Oh, great, I bet this guy is here to try and get a date with Butters, or something." Said a small boy with a blue hat behind him.

"Wait, Stan, Kyle?" gasped Harry

"Great, and he knows our names too. No, we are not gay. We are NINE. And Stan even has a girlfriend. Seriously, you guys are worse than Cartman." Muttered an exasperated Kyle as he threw his hands up in the air sometimes singing "Ay-o, baby let go"

"What, why is the author talking about "Dynamite" right now? This is super cereal." Said Al Gore, who had been across the street taping up signs to help warn people about man- bear- pig and how dangerous he was

"No, no, I'm Harry Potter and I really need your help."

"Oh great! Last time we helped out a bunch of imaginary characters I almost had to suck Cartman's balls." Said Kyle

"Look, could you guys please just tell me how you guys deal with your Mary-Sue problems? We are having a lot of issues with them back at home and it seems that you guys have quite a few of them as well. I was just wondering if there was any advice you could give us on how to deal with them?" asked Harry desperately

"Look, we don't even know, okay? That spell you did worked, didn't it? Why not just use that on all of them?" asked Stan

"No, that spell can cause great damage to the space time continuum. If we use it too much, its effectiveness could begin to deteriorate and then all of the Mary Sues could return in greater power and numbers than ever before." Explained Harry

"Great." Muttered Kyle sarcastically

"Hey, do you guys have a way to get rid of all of those annoying Slash writers?" asked Stan curiously

"No, why? All we specialize in are Mary- Sue problems." Said Harry

"Because, if it's not a "Submit you OC story", it's a "Stan left Wendy so that he could be with Kyle" story! Or a "Tweek and Craig run away together" story! Don't you see how this is so annoying? It's either Slash or OC! How many times must we explain this? We are NINE, not gay!" screamed Stan

"Yeah, well, Butters could swing either way, you know." Muttered Kyle

"Oh, don't tell me you actually like falling in love with Cartman or Kenny or I! I'm your best friend, I know how much you hate it!" yelled Stan

"There seems to be a lot of shit going on around here." Said Harry

"Oh, you had better believe it. We're getting an all out OC vs. Slash war started here. This author called "The Truth's Lie" has even started a story just to make fun of "The Secret's Lie" and her stories." Explained Kyle

"Holy shit. You guys have it way worse than we do." gasped Harry

"Oh, yeah. So, if you ever find a way to just get rid of Slash (until we actually find out our sexual orientation) and Submit you OC stories, can you please let us know?" said Stan

"For sure. Now, I'm not trying to be rude or anything but can i../"

"Just go." Said Stan and Kyle

* * *

Back at Hogwarts, things had been slowly going from bad to worse.

Now, however, Harry, Ron, and Draco needed to get back now more than ever.

Because now, the biggest threat to hummanity, mother earth, and probably the reason why any aliens have been avoiding us, had been resurrected.

And no, it was not Hitler.

It was worse.

"Haa, im bac u stuupiod prepz!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**The true plot is starting to develop now.**

**Please, review. They are greatly appreciated.**

**Oh, if any of you have ever seen a "Rachel's Challenge" program, the program came to our school again last week. Rachel's Challenge is an organization started by the family of the first Columbine victim, Rachel Scott. It has been featured in thousands of high schools in America and in six other countries. This year, we had her dad talk to us, which was even more heart wrenching than her brother. So, here is something for all of you "Copy and Pasters" to use. Please, pass this one on.**

Rachel Scott was the first of over thirty victims of the Columbine massacre in 1999. The shooting left twelve students and one teacher dead, and over twenty others wounded. Rachel was well known for her kindness and compassion. Just a few weeks before the shooting, she wrote an essay on her ethics. It said "_I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same." _Rachel's challenge is an amazing program that personally brought me to tears. It stresses the impact one action can make and the importance of compassion. Please, copy and paste this into your profile to help bring some compassion and kindness to the world.

**The official "Rachels Challenge" site is rachels challenge. Org (no spaces).**

**Anyways, please pass that on (on your profile or otherwise) and don't forget to review.**


	3. Caught in a Bad Legomance

**Well, I was unable to update last weekend due to ski traffic and laziness. **

**Anyways, here is my latest installment.**

**For anyone who was on the Lord Of The Rings site a few years back, just after the movies were out and super popular, you might remember this common term. Anytime you heard or read it, it sent chills down your spine. The bad chills. I am talking, of course about… A LEGOMANCE!**

***insert scary music***

* * *

**Caught in a Bad Legomance!**

"But Orlando! What about our super oh so amazing wedding? How could you just leave your bride and love of your depressing life and the best thing in Center Earth at the altar? How could you? I thought you were better than this! I really did!" screamed Maryinara Suenessaka as she ran out of the castle

"Okay, first of all, we live in Middle Earth. Second of all, my name is Legolas, not Orlando. I don't even know an Orlando, which brings me to the most important point: I don't even know you. Okay? I do not know you! Why would I marry you if I don't know you?" said Legolas

"Well, fine then! I'll just go split up Aragorn or something!" screamed the Sue

"Die, Sue, die!" came a loud voice from the forest

The Sue vanished in a puff of bubbles.

"Who on earth was that?" yelled Legolas

"Me, I'm Draco." Said Draco as he emerged from the forest

"What on earth did you do that for? Not that I'm complaining, but I'd still like to know." Asked Legolas

"Well, I live in another world, and there we have a huge Mary Sue problem. They're always after Ron, Harry, or I, it seems. But, we've decided to help cleanse the Fan Fiction website of them. What I just used was a spell that… well, we aren't really all that sure what it does, but it gets rid of them." Explained Draco

"That's… um, great, I guess. I'm going to go help Frodo destroy the Ring Of Power, or something no." said Legolas as he ran off.

"I think he just blew me off." Muttered Draco to himself,

"Hey, you just wait until my father hears about this!" he screamed after Legolas

* * *

"For the last time, I am supposed to be perfect! I am a F*CKING ANGEL, for God's sake! And my eyes are not the color of cat pee, they are a soft, beautiful, glowing, perfect color of YELLOW! Besides, I'm not even that perfect! I'm getting my period!" yelled none other than Poppy "Ashes", Draco's ex girlfriend

"got oot off mi waey u stpid perp! U stuopod preps shuld go DYE!" yelled Enooby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way as she pushed through the crowd of students cowering in fear at the sight of not only her, but also Poppy Ashes, from chapters sixteen and seventeen of "Attack of the Mary Sues"

"Students, what is going on? Why aren't you in class already?" came a stern woman's voice from the top of the stairs.

Professor McGonagall walked down the stairs, about to yell at the assembled students, when she heard it.

"U stupod prep! Goffics rool!" screamed the voice

"Oh, no!" whispered Professor McGonagall

"Teechers r sew stopiid! I h8 u allle!" yelled the girl

"Somebody get Professor Dumbledore!" screamed Professor McGonagall

* * *

"Wait, so why has Professor Snape been arrested?" Asked Dumbledore, who was in astonishment at what he had just been told by the board of Governors

"Because, Professor Dumbledore, he was caught having a threesome with a couple of students! That's pedophilia and molestation, sir. He cannot work here any longer." Explained one of the members of the board of Governors

Suddenly, the door banged open and none other than Neville Longbottom burst into the room.

"Sir, oh sir, they- they said that she was back! No one knows what to do so they told me to go get you!" panted Neville

"Wait, who's back?" asked Dumbledore

"_Her_." Said Neville

* * *

"You back stabbing no good bastard!" yelled Draco as he caught up to Legolas

"Wait, what are you talking about?" asked a very confused Legolas

"You totally just blew me off back there and you know it!" screamed Draco

"No, I really do have to help destroy the Ring of Power, Draco." Explained Legolas

"Yeah, but wouldn't you rather help us destroy all the Mary Sues?" asked Draco expectantly

"Um, no thank you." Said Legolas

"Oh, you just wait until my father hears about this!" said an extremely offended Draco as he stomped off to go back home

* * *

"Jack, something weird is going on. All these girls with perfect hair keep showing up on the island!" gasped Maurice

"No, no, no, that weird goth, or as she preferred to say, 'Goffic', girl finally disappeared!" said Ralph

"Yeah, so did that girl who kept on yelling about how she was a fallen angel or something. I would have pushed her over that cliff, but I couldn't on account of my asthma." Said a short fat, glasses wearing, misfit who either bugged you to death or you liked him

"Sucks to your asthma!" came the familiar chorus

* * *

**Sorry about the filler chapter, but I'm in a slight creative slump and I have to get ready for Snowball. I decided yesterday during the last ten minutes of sixth period to go, so I have to buy a dress that matches my shoes. Trust me, when you have feet as big as mine, you but a dress that goes with your shoes. You just do.**

**But, this chapter is where the real plot starts to develop. It had to be done. Sorry. I'll try to update a bit faster.**

**Anyways, please review. And brownie point to whoever can tell me where the last scene took place.**


	4. Island of Lost Sues

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Hi, I'm sorry about not updating for a while, but my brother recently was on leave from the army, so I was spending as much time with him as possible, which meant that the story had to take a bit of a back seat.

**Anyways, here is the next chapter. Hopefully I will be able to update a bit more frequently from now on.**

* * *

**Island of Lost Sues**

"The beast, it's the beast! Run for your life! It's coming!" screamed a young little boy as he ran up the beach towards castle rock where Jack and his tribe sat

"What? Who?" demanded Jack as he stood up to face the boy

"it's another one of those stupid girls that keep showing up in the forest. They all either ask for you, Ralph, or Simon. What do you think they want?" asked the frightened young boy as he almost started to cry hysterically

"No, the real question is where they are coming from. That's what we ought to find out." Declared Jack

"Oh no, what if they're working for the beast?" gasped Samneric

"Why would the beast have weird girls working for him?" asked Maurice

"Wait! What if they're the beast?" gasped a young boy near the back of the group

"Then we must kill them." Declared Jack solemnly

* * *

"Hey, we did pretty good, you guys." Declared Ron happily as he, Harry, and Draco headed back to the portal that would hopefully take them all back to Hogwarts

"Yeah, we sure did. Hey, maybe we can even be friends back at school, Draco." Offered Harry

"Don't be ridiculous, Potter. I don't hang around gingers, half bloods, the chosen ones, or blood traitors." Declared Draco snootily

"Hey, I'm not a ginger!" gasped Harry

"Yes, but weasel be is." Pointed out Draco

Unfortunately, no one present could argue with Draco's logic.

"Hey, so how did you guys get rid of your Sues?" asked Ron

"Um… just a lot of hard work, effort, and luck." Said Harry uncomfortably

"Yeah, lots of hard work and stuff. What about you?" asked Draco who was also looking very uncomfortable

"Oh, I got lucky and mine was killed in a race riot." Said Ron

Neither Harry, nor Draco was planning on mentioning the fact that they had both used the experimental spell on their Sues. Besides, what was the worst that could possibly happen to the universe? It wasn't like all of the Sues just got sent to some random island out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and then returned to the Harry Potter universe when the island got too full. Right?

* * *

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Marissay Ablimalberget Suella, as she appeared out of thin air above some random island out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and began to plummet quickly towards the dense jungle below

She quickly did a mid air flip (she had been proclaimed a natural when she was training to be a samurai ninja in Japan last year) and landed gracefully on the plant covered ground below her. She took in a long look around her. Thankfully, she had her Boy Scout's tracking badge.

Just as she was getting close to the ocean, she heard the sounds of a fight.

She ran up to the clearing and saw two teen age girls grabbing each other's hair and clawing at the other.

"oh my God, I cant believe that you, of all people, are trying to steal MY boyfriend! That is so un cool, dude! Oh my God! You little back stabbing bitch!" squealed the first of the two girls, who seemed to be wearing a royal looking dress

"No way, Jack, you bitch! Jack was mine first. He totally chose me!" screeched the other, who seemed to have dyed her hair black in a stupid looking attempt to look Asian, and the look was complete with a Japanese looking sword and a kimono

"Urhg, that's what you think!" squealed the first

"Wait, what on earth are you two doing?" asked Marissay Ablimalberget Suella as she approached the two fighting grils

"We're fighting over the leader of the first tribe, Jack." Explained the two girls

"What? Thar's ridiculous, Jack is mine!" screamed Marissay Ablimalberget Suella, as she leapt towards the two man stealing idiots

* * *

"Wait, so that stupid fallen angel, Poppy Ashes, is back along with Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way? Are you serious, Neville? They are both back?" asked an aghast Dumbledore as he paced around his office in thought

"yes, sir, they both are." Began Neville, but the door swung open and a terrified looking Oliver Wood came stumbling in

"Wood! What on earth are you doing here? You graduated years ago!" barked an extremely confused Dumbledore as he stopped his pacing in bewilderment

"Yes, yes, I know that I graduated, sir. It turns out that there's some supper obsessed Oliver Wood fan out there that decided I should come back to Hogwarts and be the Hogwarts champion in the Triwizard tournament, or something. I'm not really all that sure what they were talking about since the story was mostly in chat speak, but that's why I'm here." Explained Oliver Wood hastily

"So, what are you doing in my office? I'm in the middle of something very important right now." Scolded Dumbledore

"Um, well, there's some new Mary- Sue girl down stairs asking why her dad was arrested and where Fred Weasley is." Said Oliver

"Oh, crap! Not her again too!" cursed Dumbledore

"What do you mean by that, Dumbledore?" asked Oliver

"Well, there have been a lot of Mary Sues in the Harry Potter universe lately. There has also been an alarming rise in Out Of Characterness, lack of canon, and chat speak. Harry, Ron, and Draco were thought to be the only ones that could save us, but it seems that the prophecy was wrong." Stated Dumbledore gravely

* * *

"hey, who are all of those girls over there?" asked Draco, as the three boys entered King's Cross station

"I don't know, but they sure do look hot. Their hair sparkles like diamonds in the moon light. Their hair looks like the finest silk from China; it could even put the Queen of Sheba to shame. Their eyes are like pools that peer all the way into the very deepest depths of their souls. They seem to tell the stories of a thousand tragic endings and the most bitter sweet victories one could ever imagine. I could stare into their eyes all day, and their lips are so…" began Harry

"Oh, crap! Why are there still Mary Sues? I thought we got rid of them all? Or I at least thought we had gotten rid of these ones." gasped Ron

"What happened?" asked Draco

* * *

"Wait, so every time some body uses the anti Sue spells, the Sues will all get transported to some random island out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? That's what it does? If it does that, then why are they still coming? And why are some of them coming back?" asked Oliver Wood

"You see, the Island of Lost Sues can only hold so many. Eventually people start bringing back the old ones that used to be on the site because it's too hard for them to be original. Let's face it, almost all Mary Sues are the same. They're either goth or super preppy or something. Seriously, with out their pointlessly long and stupid names, we would never be able to tell them apart." Explained Dumbledore

"Wait, what do we have to do with this?" asked Neville

"Well, it seems that Harry, Ron, and Draco have all failed us and that the author of this story feels like giving some background characters a chance at the lime light. You see, you two, along with Ernie Macmillan, will be traveling to the Island of Lost Sues." Explained Dumbledore

"Yeah, but what if they all try and love us to death too?" asked Oliver

"Oh, we don't have to worry about that will all of you. You see, since you are all background characters, less people want to be with you, so that means less self inserts, and therefore, fewer Mary- Sues for you to deal with." Explained Professor Dumbledore

"Yes, but…" began Neville

"Look, the three of you are going, whether you like it or not, okay? Now, I'm about to go get Ernie, and when I come back, the two of you had better have gotten it through you thick skulls that you are going to go to the Island of Lost Sues and you are going to save the world and you are going to like it! Have I made myself clear boys?" snapped Dumbledore

"Yes sir!" whispered both Neville and Oliver nervously

They sure hoped that this would work.

* * *

**Well, there's the new chapter.**

**Review!**


	5. Ernie Didn't Find Anything

**Hooray for President's Day. Now I can finally update. **

**Also, some of my favorite reviewers are the anonymous ones that write a long, drawn out review about how I should get off of this site and stop writing because everyone should be able to write whatever they want to. **

**Please tell me that I am not the only one who sees all of the contradictory statements in the above paragraph.**

**This chapter will be a lot less of a mixed up filler than the last few have been and will also have a lot of AVPM and AVPS references in it.**

* * *

**Ernie didn't "Find" Anything**

"But Dumbledore, I really don't want to go! Cant I just stay here and pretend to like all of these idiot Mary Sues?" whined a very peeved Ernie Macmillan, as Dumbledore dragged him up the stairs that led to his hidden office

"That's easy for you to say, Macmillan. You aren't the one who keeps on having about twenty three long lost granddaughters come up and ask you for money or where the stupid cave and horcruxes are!" complained Dumbledore moodily

"Okay, that does sound kind of annoying, but couldn't we all just tell them what we think of them and then hope that they all just go away?" begged Ernie, because he really didn't want to have to go to this "Island of Lost Sues" place

"No, if we do that then they just yell at the readers about flames and crap like that." Explained Dumbledore

"But why do I have to go? Why can't someone else go instead of me?" whined Ernie loudly

"Because Hufflepuffs are supposed to be particularly good finders, that's why!" snapped Dumbledore

"How on earth did you come up with that, Dumbledore?" yelled Ernie

"Look, I don't have time for all of this crap, Ernie, so I'm going to count to three and if you are not up here by the time I stop counting I will drag you all the way up to my office, do you understand?" asked Dumbledore sternly

"Yes, I understand. Which is why I'm running away." Said Ernie as he took off down the stairs as fast as he could

"JELLY LEGS JINX!" screamed Dumbledore as Ernie ran off

"NO! Why doesn't anybody know the counter jinx for Jelly Legs?" wailed Ernie

* * *

"I wonder what's taking Dumbledore so long to get Ernie?" said Neville

"Well, Ernie probably doesn't want to be here any more than we do." Said Oliver

Suddenly, the door burst open and Dumbledore walked in dragging Ernie Macmillan by the hair. He stopped in front of an empty chair, shoved Ernie into it, and then proceeded to his desk where he sat down and sighed.

"Look, I am well aware of the fact that none of you want to be here right now. But our world is counting on you, okay?" explained Dumbledore

"Yeah, but what do we get in return?" asked Ernie

"Um… the joy of saving the world?" offered Dumbledore

"Not going to cut it." Said Ernie

"I'll excuse you from class?" said Dumbledore

"I'm not a student anymore." Said Oliver

"I'll give you all Os on your OWLS and you wont have to take them." Said Dumbledore

"Done!" said Neville and Ernie

"But I already took my OWLS and my NEWTS!" said Oliver

"Well, I can change your old scores, you know." Offered Dumbledore

"Okay, fine. I'll do it." Muttered Oliver

"Great, here's a map. No one really knows where the island is, so it's kind of up to you to find it. That's why we gave you a Hufflepuff, after all." Said Dumbledore

All three boys groaned as Dumbledore sent them on their way to the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

* * *

"well, at least we made it back to Hogwarts, you guys." Said Harry

"Urgh! You just wait until my father hears about all of those stupid Mary Sues and how they escaped. He will not stand for it I tell you. He will not!" whined Malfoy

"Oh, shut up, Malfoy." Snapped Ron

"Yeah, what could your dad possibly do to help us out of this situation?" asked Harry

"I don't know but-" began Malfoy, but he was cut of by a high pitched screech coming from the castle

"Oh my god, Draco honey, you're back!" screamed a girl about a year younger than they were that Harry vaguely recognized as Astoria Greengrass

"Um, what the hell are you doing?" asked Draco

"But we're meant to be! Why don't you love me?" she began crying hysterically

"hay, bich wat re u duing wif mi boi fried?" said a terrible voice that none of them would ever forget.

"Oh god no. Not her!" wailed Ron

"What do we do?" whispered Draco

"Let's go see if Dumbledore can help us out of this one." Decided Harry

* * *

"Harry, Ron, Draco, you're all back!" greeted Dumbledore as the three boys burst into his office later that day

"Dumbledore, there are a bunch-" began Harry

"Of Mary Sues down stairs. Yes, I know Harry." Finished Dumbledore nonchalantly

"But, Sir, one of them is-" began Ron

"Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way? Yes, I happen to be aware of that little fact too." Said Dumbledore, as he resumed his paper work

"How did you-" started Draco

"Know? Well, it seems that someone was using the experimental Sue Spell and overflowed the island of Lost Sues." Said Dumbledore

"Yeah, sorry about that one." Said Harry

"Anyways, as it seems that the three of you have failed us, I have decided to send Oliver Wood, Neville Longbottom, and Ernie Macmillan to the Island of Lost Sues to stop them from escaping and coming back here." Explained Dumbledore

"Why them and not us?" asked Ron

"Well, first of all, they're background characters so they kind of deserve a chance at the spotlight. Secondly I can no longer excuse you from school because your grades are so bad. Back to class, now. I think it's potions now." Said Dumbledore as he showed them out of his office

"But Snape hates us!" wailed Harry

"Oh, don't you worry about Snape. He's gone all AU and adopted you a few days ago. It should be cool." Said Dumbledore

* * *

"Ernie, why cant you find the island?" snapped Oliver

"Why am I the one getting blamed for this? I thought that we were all in this together!" said Ernie, as he attempted to read the map

"Yeah, but Hufflepuffs are supposed to be good finders!" said Oliver

* * *

**Sorry that it's so short.**

**Review please.**


	6. I'm Almost All Natural

**Well, hello again everyone. **

**Here's the new chapter. I hope that you like it. **

**From the last week of March to the first week of May I will not be updating **_any_ **of my stories. This is just a warning to all of you who are dearly attached to any or all of my stories. Once again, from the end of March to the beginning of May I will have no updates and will most likely not be able to respond to any of my PMs or reviews. **

**Also this chapter is ridiculously short. This is kind of the beginning of the end of the story. Yes, there will be a sequel. I'll explain more when the time comes, though. I'm trying to wrap this up before April that way I don't just leave it hanging for months on end.**

* * *

**I'm (Almost) All Natural**

"Wait, wait, wait, you guys, I think that I've found it!" shouted Ernie from his broom stick

"What? You have?" yelled Neville who was unfortunately having quite a bit of trouble staying on his own broom properly

"Yeah, yeah, it looks like I have. The island should be just over there." Ernie yelled back to his two comrades that were following closely behind him

"Great, I cant wait to get off of this stupid broom." Sighed a much relived Neville who had managed to almost fall off of his broom more times than he would like to remember

"Oh, stop complaining. Riding a broom is so great! I remember when it was before I was keeper back at Hogwarts and when Madam Hooch once saw me riding around outside and it was after hours and all, but she said I was really good so…" Oliver began what his two companions could already tell was going to be a long and pointless story

"Look, Oliver, we don't really care about you and Madam Hooch's midnight, romance filled escapades throughout your entire first year." Snapped Ernie very sarcastically at Oliver

"What the hell do you mean by "Romance filled escapades", Ernie?" Oliver asked Ernie very madly

"I was being- well; you see I was just- um, never mind." Ernie faltered under Oliver's intense gaze

"Yeah, I'll bet." Muttered Oliver angrily

"Wait, um, I think we're supposed to turn here, you guys!" yelled Neville from the front of the group

"Look that must be the island, you guys!" called Ernie as the three boys passed over an island with a bunch of hot girls sunning themselves on the beaches

"Okay, so let's try to land on the other side of the island, then." Directed Oliver

"Yeah, good idea, Oliver." Agreed Ernie

"Yeah, then maybe all of the Mary Sues won't find us right away." Suggested Neville

"Well, no shit, Sherlock." Snapped Oliver

"Yeah, we're just flying to the other side of the island for the scenery." Said a very sarcastic Ernie

"Oh, sorry guys." Apologized Neville awkwardly

* * *

"Look, I'm sorry, but we just don't have any strawberries. All we have is bacon, Ms. Diamond- Eyes." Explained Maurice to one of the many Mary Sues that lay on the boy's beach

"No, no, no! That will simply not do! I am a vegetarian, I just can't eat meat! Why, I would rather kill myself than eat a single piece of meat!" said the air headed Sue whose last name was a reference to her absolutely amazing eyes.

"Works for us." Muttered Maurice

"Oh, you're so funny!" cried the Mary Sue, as she entertained them all with her amazing laugh

"Hey, I'll eat that meat! I'm like a little black hole; things come in and they just go right on out!" offered a different Mary Sue that appeared to be one of the Mary Sues that tries to be "One of the Boys", which is pretty unbelievable seeing as most of what my brothers and their friends seem to do is talk about hot chicks and porno

"Um, okay, sure." Said an unsuspecting Maurice

"Do you like football? Because I love football. And baseball. And most other sports, you know." Said the Mary Sue

"Oh no" muttered Maurice.

* * *

"Hey, guys who is that?" shouted Sam (from the pair of people more commonly known as Samneric)

"Oh, great. I hope it isn't another batch of Mary Sues trying to win over Jack or Ralph's heart or something." Muttered Calvin, as he approached the site where three unidentified flying objects had just landed in the jungle

"Hey, you uys aren't more girls looking for Jack, are you? Because he's not here. And neither is Ralph, by the way." Called Eric

"What? You guys live here with the Mary Sues?" asked Oliver as he stumbled out of the woods

"Yeah, why do you ask?" asked Sam

"Well, we're here to try and destroy the Mary Sue Island! Where are they?" asked a very excited Ernie

"Well, they're all out on the beach tanning. Like usual." Commented Sam

"Great, let's go!" said Ernie

**Yeah, sorry that it's so short but this weekend was hell. **

**Anyways, please review!**


	7. Goodbye Everybody

Hi, this is a pretty serious Author's note.

I have come to a hard decision. My iCarly story and also "A Flamingo in a Flock of Pigeons" will be my last stories, at least for a while. Yes, I am going on hiatus, most likely permanently. I am so very sorry to all of my wonderful readers and to anyone who wants for me to update. I really am. But life is happening right now, and I just feel like I need a nap from Fan Fiction.

My iCarly story (Oh Mother, Where Art Thou?)will still be updated according to schedule and "A Flamingo in a Flock of Pigeons" will still be updated precisely whenever I feel like it. So will my Harry Potter song fics, because those help me relax.

I am going to finish (or at least try to finish) up the iCarly story before I leave mainly because I love to write it and because I have a huge plan for it. Revenge of the Mary Sues will be left unfinished, unless someone wishes to adopt it. Let me know. Either way, I don't care too much.

**To my fans, friends, and readers:** You have made this all worth while. You really have and I am so sorry that I am leaving you all. I really am. I wish that I could carry on doing this for all of you, but I can't. I really just can't. And for that, I am truly sorry.

**To all of the Suethors and just not so great writers:** get a beta. They can really help you out, you know. When I gave you a critical review, you probably deserved it. Believe it or not, grammar and spelling are still very important, even though we are on the internet. So does character development. Anyways, best of luck improving to you lot.

**To all of the self righteous trolls and flamers:** get a life. Go outside. Join a club. Ride your bike or walk the dog. See a movie if you actually have any friends. Fresh air is great. So is the sun and Vitamin D. You need Vitamin D to survive, you know. Besides, the sun wont kill you, even if you are a vampire. Trust me, it'll make you a much happier person.

Well, I am sorry to anyone and everyone that will miss me. To everyone that's glad I'm gone, at least you'll be happy for a while until my prodigy comes along. Just kidding. Mel's too nice to be an ass hole like I was.

Happy writing to all, and to all a good night.


End file.
